


It Will Kill Him

by CitiesandDust



Series: The Value of Words. [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, Mostly narrative around Tony, Pretty mild again, hints towards slash but not really much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 09:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CitiesandDust/pseuds/CitiesandDust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thinks he might die for a few seconds while he falls; with arms outstretched and pavement closing in fast. He thinks the suit won’t be fast enough and wonders briefly if this is what it’s like to really fly.</p><p>5 times Tony sort of worries about dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Will Kill Him

**Author's Note:**

> It's pretty mild. I didn't intend it to be honestly, and maybe if i do a sequel it will be more slashy, but i was too tired tonight so i hope its okay since it was written on little sleep and off stimulation.  
> Enjoy. 
> 
> PLEASE EXCUSE TYPOS. I'm half asleep and i'll fix them when i catch them.

1) Paralyzed.

It’s not the first time he thinks he’s going to die, not at all, but it’s the first time he’s shocked by it. A shock that seeps through his paralyzed limbs, a shock he can feel but can’t shake. He thinks that even if he wasn’t paralyzed, he still might not be able to move, because sometimes things throw you just far enough off course that your brain stops working. Just far enough that every action is fuzzy, slow and forced because everything has stopped making sense. Even through prior nagging, subtle suspicion this – he thinks – is one of those times. 

But he’s wrong. He pulls himself together, and he drags himself up. He drags himself to a suitable alternative and he survives. He survives on will and desperation and a shock that he knows he’ll remember till his dying day even if he lays the memories to rest.

 

2) Falling.

He thinks he might die for a few seconds while he falls; with arms outstretched and pavement closing in fast. He thinks the suit won’t be fast enough and wonders briefly if this is what it’s like to really fly. No jets, no suit, no nothing, just wind and wings and a sense of freedom you can only gain from losing everything you have, gravity included.  
He doesn’t get a chance to truly worry though because the suit arrives with seconds to spare, fully functional merely feet from the ground but it’s enough. It’s enough and he doesn’t let him slow him down.

What he does let slow him down -though only really a little because he’s iron man damnit and he has to focus for the world – is the way Pepper doesn’t answer her phone a little while after that first fall, and he has to face for the second time his imminent death. What he does let slow him down is the feeling of the missile as his grip on it loosens and his body becomes less his own in the silence of ‘choice deity’ only knows where in space. 

Because then he’s falling again, both physically and mentally. Consciousness slips away leaving in it’s wake a darkness that if he didn’t know better he’d have thought had always been there. Like maybe consciousness was a dream he needed to wake up from. It’s quiet, and it’s simple, and soft. It’s definitely not how he imagined his life ending, but it’s probably better than anything he’d thought up. His last thought isn’t of his life, which hasn’t by the way flashed before his eyes, but how falling really feels more like floating sometimes. How he’s finally free.

He’s wakes to the roar of reality, and for a second, he resents that.

 

3) Static.

It seems silly to really worry about dying in his bathroom with every single one of his teammates merely 20 feet away but he does. He can hear Natasha and Clint muttering in light tones to Coulson – who is alive, though that’s truly a story for another day – about the movie they have on right now. It’s a thriller/ action thing that to them is really more like comedy. He can’t hear what the three of them are saying exactly but if it’s anything like the conversation they had last time a movie like this was on he’s actually regretting missing it. There’s nothing like having a master assassin and a master marksman explain how everything is illogical, then plot a better course of action for the character while a SHEILD agents prompts them to go on.

And really he knows it’s ridiculous to really worry with Bruce and Thor involved in an animated (one sided animation really, Thor is very excitable, Bruce is not) conversation about which is better: pop tarts or chocolate milk, only a few feet further. But he sees the flash of green and gold behind him in the mirror as he runs water over his face. He’s sees the pale skin and slender hands. He sees the armor minus the helmet. He sees the dark hair as it hangs somewhat messily around broad shoulders and mesmerizing green eyes. It’s logical to him, if silly, to worry in that moment. Because he’s suit-less and open and vulnerable. At least it’s logical to him until he turns around only to find empty air.

He memorizes the static of the space the god ought to fill and he knows he wasn’t alone. There’s no proof but he knows. The question he’ll ask himself later is not over whether worry was logical but why he was visited in the first place.

 

4) Blood.

The heat of battle is incomparable to anything else he’s ever witnessed, and in the rush and excitement he sometimes forgets that he isn’t invincible until it’s shoved in his face for the hundredth time. Today for example he forgets momentarily (and really momentarily, only a few seconds momentarily) that The God of Mischief possesses magic. It’s a small mistake with huge consequences because it throws him off just enough to be trapped.

High on confidence and adrenaline later he’ll congratulate himself for his mistake by drinking himself unconscious and telling himself that half the alcohol isn’t dedicated to his recent and somewhat messy split with Pepper. Because he’s what gets Loki caught once more by SHEILD. It’s his moment on top of the roof of a building that no longer stands (and is likely being paid for somehow by SHEILD because the collapse really was his fault) with slender and frigid blue fingers wrapped tight around his throat, crushing away his air even through his suit that gives Hawkeye time to make it to said roof, arrows in hand and aimed with a plan. 

It’s also his moment with a god whispering soft promises of endless suffering in his ear that leads to a desperate attempt to blow Loki away (literally) and the reckless endangerment of himself and Barton. But that’s irrelevant, to his drunk and admittedly arrogant ass he saved the day. Again. Pretty much free of charge. So you’re welcome.

That is really his defense though: desperation. Because he thought once more he might actually die as the world grew fuzzy in his vision and it didn’t much matter if Clint had a plan, he didn’t want to die. Instead he’d rather come home covered in Clint and the lie-smith’s blood as well as his own. He’d come home to a villain behind bars and his friends generally kind of okay considering all that had happened.

And he’ll pretend he didn’t see the smile playing softly on the corner of Loki’s thin lips just as he set off the beam in his arc reactor. He’ll pretend he doesn’t see the way Loki stares at him the next day through the cameras in his cell with a look that says ‘I like the way you move’ and ‘nice try’ at the same time.

 

5) Provocation.

He doesn’t actually think he’ll die when he enters Loki’s cell a week after they catch him, but Hill and Fury apparently have a friendly bet on whether he goes in glory or stupidity. Which isn’t exactly comforting. And of course he’s not stupid enough to assume that the restraints on the god will actually keep his magic well enough at bay to prevent physical injury if Loki truly wills it. But no, he doesn’t think he’ll die because the slight tug of the other man’s lips as he enters the cell betrays only amusement and a condescending sort of inquiry. 

“Stark.” The god speaks first, tone still solid and sly in a playful and confident way. 

It’s clear imprisonment hasn’t really done anything to the air of superiority Loki wields with experience. Tony can’t help but admire the work that must have gone into building that front – that mask. Especially since it took him years and years as well as a lacking adolescence to truly master his own. He knows the pain that can go into creating a façade like his and like Loki’s. He has to wonder what had provoked the formation.

Honestly though, he doesn’t intend to voice that particular question, but he apparently does because the god simply tilts his head and smirks.

“My story for yours. A fair trade.”

Tony is curious enough to ignore the weary emphasis on ‘fair’. An hour later he thinks he leaves the gods cell a more knowledgeable man for that. 

He also leaves the cell with a promise to return and a few suggestions between them that he’s not actually sure how they reached. Even more confusing is that he can’t find it in himself to reject said suggestions. He actually welcomes them.

And all he really knows in the end is that when he wakes in the middle of the night, sweat drenched and breathing ragged, all he can think of are devious green eyes and pale, graceful fingers. All he can ask himself is whether these suggestions he’s hung up on are an appeal to Loki’s humanity or his own monstrosity.

And he’s absolutely sure the answer will kill him either way when he someday grasps it.


End file.
